Liz and Sarah embrace their inner grinch as they debate the merits of office birthdays. (Spoiler alert: They’re not fans.) After an update on the ongoing saga of Sarah’s hair color, they answer a listener question about the value of an MFA in Hollywood. Liz and Sarah also check in with their former assistant, Brook, who left them earlier this year to focus on writing. Then this week’s Hollywood Hack — look up the menu and parking before a lunch meeting.
*Note: This episode has an explicit rating.
Links & resources we mentioned:
- Brook Sitgraves on Twitter
- Brook Sitgraves on Instagram
- “Short and Sweet” podcast on Twitter
- “Podcasts for the Recent College Grad” (NY Times)
Get in touch:
- Twitter: @elizabethcraft and @sarahmfain
- Instagram: @LizCraft and @Sfain
- Leave a voicemail: 949-HAPPY-21
- Email us
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So refreshing to listen to someone else who dislikes office birthdays. Let’s extend that to potlucks, picnics & Secret Santa. Organizers of these events seem to be the ones who don’t have time to get their work done, but don’t mind killing an hour or more at some party. The worst experience for me was a boss who cornered me & kept insisting I tell him my age! I found a new job within a month. One job had a rule that the birthday person was to bring treats for everyone. I took that day off if possible.
Wait, the BIRTHDAY PERSON had to bring treats?!?! Noooo!
I live in Amsterdam and I was expected to bring treats for my birthday AND goodbye party.
I briefly worked in an office where they kept a list of everyone’s birthday and had what they proudly called a fair and equitable system for who did what each time a birthday rolled around. My birthday unfortunately introduced me to their system several weeks after starting. I was called into the conference room where they sang a rousing round of Happy Birthday to me while I stood there awkwardly looking back at a bunch of people I barely knew. There was cake someone had made, a plate of cookies, and a gluten free option. I was even presented with a card to read that everyone had signed. I was simultaneously flabbergasted, bewildered and annoyed. Afterwards I was taken aside by the keeper of this list and given a hard copy of “the list” and given the explanation of how it worked. The previous birthday party recipient (sadly, now me) was to make or buy the next birthday recipient a cake and a card for everyone to sign. I was also to surreptitiously take the card around to be signed. Me being me, and much to the astonishment of the office manager, I declined to participate. Seems I was the only person in the history of “the list” to not participate. It didn’t go over very well.
I’ve always had a rule about not eating at work. I eat only what I bring for my breakfast and lunch. Maybe I’m an Upholder (!) but I find it really easy to keep this rule. Honestly, food left out for public consumption grosses me out. And I’m always shocked and a little disgusted by other people’s less than sanitary habits such as taking half a cookie and leaving the other half that they touched for others.
But if others want to celebrate maybe the once a month celebration is best.
Hi Liz & Sarah,
Here’s a point FOR office birthdays: when I got my first job in the industry, I lived away from my family and friends, and having co-worker remembering my birthday was very special. My family lived in a different country, so with time difference etc. they wished me birthday wishes a day later. I think only people who already have family & friends around them dislike office birthdays because they have the LUXURY of family & friends celebrating for/with them! Even now I still try to make birthdays special — in my line of work, I work with different people everyday and if I know someone has a birthday, I made sure I got them a little treat (I’ve never heard anyone turned down a latte yet…).
Another point: I don’t understand the temptation of eating cake becoming “a whole day about not eating the cake,” I really don’t. And I am someone who enjoys my desserts, pasta, sweets just like any other people. And I’m an obliger too (unlike Gretchen who has built-in superpower will). If you know there’s cake and you don’t want it, just avoid it, or don’t go too hungry, or take care of yourself otherwise (I know I’m more tempted if I’m hungry, but who doesn’t?). Maybe we just make cake a bigger deal than it is? Another thought, if I’m in a diet (for whatever reason), I wouldn’t want to “waste my calories” on cake I’m tempted to eat (I’ll save my caloric ration for something *I* really want, like a nice dessert at a nice place, for e.g.)
Still, I can see how you both are against it. I’m just offering another point of view. Thanks!
Liz, Sarah! I have a mini eureka moment about this.. maybe a bit off tangent but it has something to do with Gretchen’s strategy of absenteeism v.s. moderation.
Here’s the story. My mom was a dentist and naturally I grew up with ZERO tolerance to sweet. When I said zero, I mean an absolute ZERO. No sweets at home, at parties, at family/friends functions, etc. If we (me and my sibs) received sweets, we knew better to surrender our sweets to mom, “or else.” 😀 No sweets was the one firm rule in the house, so ingrained that I still have the little nudge of not to eat them whenever I eat sweets/candies now as grown up (which I dislike anyway). My mom unknowingly applied the strategy of absenteeism for us, and as the result, I never developed the “taste for sweets.” As adult, now that I can eat whatever I want, even when I enjoy dessert, like I said, I never really have any trouble saying no to them or feel deprived if I don’t have them. True, maybe as a child, I’d thrown some sweet-related tamper tantrum, but looking back, I never felt my childhood was less than, never felt deprived/manipulated, never missed out on gathering because I was the only child not eating sweets. On the plus side, I learned how to connect socially without socially-sanctioned lubricants (e.g. alcohol and smoking, I found myself more ease saying, “no thanks, that’ just not my thing” than my friends during my adolescent, which was a skill that served me well through college and adulthood), I learned how that birthdays were not all about the sweets but more about the people and having fun with them.
I wonder if habit that is acquired for a long time, such as this, will lead to almost a tendency change (i.e. I’m no longer an obliger in terms of choosing the cake, but an upholder because now I’m more readily fulfilling my inner expectation). The longer I do it, the easier it gets until it becomes a second nature.
I don’t know if you will read this but I hope this is worth sharing.
Claire
I understand the cake anxiety. Having struggled with food issues and weight, I don’t really want an office bday cake, especially knowing I’ll probably go out that evening with my family and order a fancy dessert. But at the same time, I love my birthday. I am a middle aged woman and I’ve always taken my birthday off. What I suggest, is you do the once a month birthday celebration. Maybe enter all the birthday people into a raffle for little prizes. Like Starbucks gift cards, one to a bagel shop or a car wash place. Each person gets one. Your office will still come out ahead over buying every person a good cake. Most importantly, have a list of birthdays and tell the person Happy Birthday. I love when people tell me Happy Birthday. The best part about Facebook is all the Happy Birthday comments. Also, Liz, you may not like birthdays but I’ve always said, the alternative is worse. Enjoy your birthday!
As a person with Celiac Disease and a wheat allergy and no choice about eating the cake or not, I say get over it. You can’t control what others eat. I have zero issue with people having cake for their birthdays, pizza for late work nights, or going to a restaurant that doesn’t cater to my dietary needs or likes. I don’t expect people to cater to me or my wishes; I take care of me and let others take care of themselves. In addition, I am the sunshine committee at my workplace, so I bring the cupcakes and treats that I can’t eat because my coworkers love them. It doesn’t bother me in the least. I find it to be diva-like behavior to expect others to bend to my specificities. As for my awesome coworkers, they are kind enough to give me a bouquet of flowers on my birthday, but I certainly don’t expect it, and I appreciate the kind thoughts that go into making me feel special.
Hi Ladies,
I do understand that “office birthdays” can start to be too much of a thing! But I wanted to speak up for those of us that are self-employed and not only miss out on the water cooler type connections or brainstorming banter throughout the day but also miss out on the
“celebrations” that come with being in an office. Whether it is a birthday celebration or the celebration of a new client or just of a job well done, it can be pretty lonely working alone and it is those types of office things that are hard to replace on your own. I guess it shows that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side!
Hi! What kind of hair color did you use?